Silver Reflections
by XxS. DragonxX
Summary: [rewritten summary] A jouney into the mind of Kuja during his final moments in the Iifa Tree before Zidane's arrival. My first fanfic out of boredom so it's pretty crappy...but please R&R...please? Rated T for some language and existentialism.


_**Disclaimer:** I DO NOT own anything that is the awesomeness of Final Fantasy IX._

_If I did, Kuja would have a better ending! Anyway, it's the property of Square Enix._

**_A/N:_** _This is only a short oneshot...consequences of boredom. Some quotes are in the game, the rest I made up. Anyway, here it is..._

**Silver Reflections...**

_**Chaos. **_

_**Destruction. **_

_**Death.**_

_**"The Unholy Trinity."**_

_"These were the things that I was created for...and I loved every moment of it. That is, until I finally awoke..."_

I am Kuja. I have done horrible things. I was once known as the 'Angel of Death'. The sound of my name was enough to strike fear into the hearts of many. In an ironic twist of fate, the 'Angel of Death' is now on his own deathbed. I should have known this was coming, but...I was careless. I have caused a lifetime of chaos, set a path towards my own self-destruction, and am now approaching death. It appears that...Garland was right for once.

_**Is this my punishment?**_

What a stupid question. I've single-handedly brought the "Unholy Trinity" unto Gaia. Not only have I vanquished all four nations, but I've also manufactured numerous black mages for mass murder. I've extracted powerful eidolons for more destruction, wiped out my home planet Terra, and even killed my own creator. Garland, he was the entire reason I did everything in the first place. If I didn't kill him soon, he would've discarded me anyway. I can almost hear his voice:

_"Did you think a defect like you could last forever?"_

Defect? Me? I suppose he's right...

_"Even as I die, you'll have died without ever leaving your mark on the world..."_

It's better that way. After my countless abominations...I don't deserve to live...

_**Self-Realization...**_

Now as I lay here in this abysmal state, I wonder if it was it even justifiable? Yes, I was angry about the full extent of his plans. No one wants to be replaced. All I wanted was to be able to keep my freedom. Freedom...such a beautiful word.

_"All of this in a desperate effort to keep my soul...only to lose it anyway? What irony. In the end, we really are nothing but mere dolls."_

I think I finally understand how those black mages felt...especially that little one who was with Zidane. We're both dolls, yet I didn't have the right to actually _treat _them as thus... it's no wonder he's hated me so much. Not to mention my lust for power...if only I had known sooner! Yet it makes no difference...after all the horrible things I've done...I am to suffer the same inevitable fate as all mortals. I deserve it. I mean, nearly destroying the universe _was_ a little much.

_**Why do I feel like this?**_

Do I feel this way because I regret everything, or because I still don't want to die? Probably both. Even from the depths of this place... I've never realized how blue the sky is, despite the tree's reaction going on. It's unusual. It's like I'm at peace and yet my soul's in a hellish prison all the same. Now as those events keep replaying in my head, I finally understand. All of the fear, anger, sadness, confusion...I'm a monster.

Why...why did I do such things? It wasn't just because of Garland...Why did I have such a sadistic pleasure in pain and misery? I can't stand all of these thoughts...tormenting me...is this what Hell is truly like? If only I could find someone...anyone that will listen and not turn me away because of my sins. Just to say "From the depths of my soul, I apologize for everything! All I ask is to be forgiven". A shoulder to cry on, though I know that won't happen. Who would expect it from me anyway? If I were to have a second chance, I wish to actually live my life in peace...no destruction...and no suffering.

_**Final Farewell...**_

Zidane, I never understood you, or you friends. I only found pleasure in destruction and selfishness. But now...as I lay on my deathbed, I finally understand. I'm truly sorry...for causing so much pain to you, your friends, and all of Gaia. It would be so much better if I didn't exist. I don't expect to be forgiven for everything, but all I wish...is to thank you. I have finally realized all of my mistakes, what it means to truly live, and the dangers of power and greed. You have freed me from them. I wish you well, brother. Although you probably won't hear this...I'll say it anyway...

_"Farewell, Zidane..."_

**The End**

_A/N: So there it is. Future suggestions are welcome so please read and review. A silent audience is no fun, ya know? P_


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